Final Gear HQ

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Final Gear HQ is the operational headquarters of Final Gear. It is located on a secret island in the Atlantic Ocean, dubbed simply as "Secret Island" or "Petrolhead Island". The Final Gear HQ was constructed in late 2007 after Final Gear leaders felt it was legally too risky to operate Final Gear in any stable, democratic nation. Also, contributing to this decision was the primal hatred of speed limits and other stupid traffic laws which each member possessed. Thanks to a substantial donation from an anonymous person, the Final Gear HQ opened in July 2008. Final Gear HQ is also the home of the servers that operate this website, as well as the club for VIP members. Additionally, the island holds a world class motor racing complex as well as other state-of-the art facilities, to pleasure it's inhabitants.

[edit] Facilities

There are several facilities that make up the Final Gear HQ.

[edit] HQ

The Final Gear HQ main building serves many purposes, and is one of the four main circle buildings. It is both a welcome centre and an administrative/office building. There are two wings and a basement to the building. The east wing is the Top Gear wing, and is where Final Gear staff keep track of everything Top Gear, so that the followers of Final Gear have something to read when they are bored. More importantly however, they prepare and process all Top Gear rips for downloading. The west wing of the building is the Fifth Gear/Top Gear Australia wing. The duty of the staff working in this wing is to keep track of everything other than Top Gear UK, so that the followers of Final Gear have something to read when they are even more bored. Rips for programmes are also prepared here. The basement is the media library, which contains an extensive record of all music featured on Top Gear and Fifth Gear, as well as a collection of music which Final Gear HQ residents with over 300 posts have picked out of their own favorites. All types of music are also distributed to Final Gear residents here as well, the format depending on their car/motorcycle's stereo. Anything from CDs to iPods to "favourites" mixtapes are available. This is also where Final Gear audiophiles come to listen to music.

[edit] IT/Server Building

The IT/Server building is another of the four main circle buildings. The servers that run this site are located there. In early 2009, the Titan server complex suffered severe damage when water mains broke and flooded the building. The skilled Final Gear IT team quickly installed new servers to bring the Final Gear network back online, and thus the current system in use at Final Gear HQ is known as Atlas.

[edit] WMD Research Facility

The WMD Research Building at night.

The WMD Reasearch Facility is the third of the main circle buildings. It is home of the Final Gear Mafia (military forces of the FG HQ). The whereabouts of this building are otherwise top secret, though it is rumoured that the building contains an ICBM launch facility, and three dead UN weapons inspectors. Quiky is likely the head of department.

[edit] VIP Members Club

The Final Gear VIP Members Club is a special group for the elites of Final Gear. This Club was established to distinguish the valued members of the community from flamers, spammers and/or lamers. A VIP member is one who contributes positively to the community with valued opinions and usual has a large e-penis. VIP Club Members are usually classified under one or many of the following: post whore, rep whore, attention whore and/or cam whore (select women, with large breasts, who feel the need to post lame pictures of them to impress unsuspecting males).

Final Gear VIP Club Members are permitted in the fourth main circle building. It has a large swimming pool and an award winning restaurant run by world class chefs rotating on a weekly basis, as well as luxury lodging accommodations. The club is positioned on the top floor of the building with panoramic views of the ocean. Patrons also enjoy free blowjobs served by clones of Katie Price, as requested by Viper007Bond. Not much else is known of the club, because anyone who has access to it wouldn't be bored enough to post here.

[edit] VIP member requirements:

• Must be in the VIP, Mod, or Admin usergroup

or

• Must have 5000+ posts

or

• Must have 5000+ rep points

or

• Must be a hot looking Not-a-Dude

Rumors have been circulating that it is possible to bribe an employee to recommend users that do not meet the above criteria, as well as qualified members (possibly friends). However, as none of the elite have been bothered to divulge such secrets to us plebeians, this will remain a mystery.

[edit] Other buildings

• Car dealer
  • This is the official car dealer of Final Gear HQ, run and maintained by the FinalGear Automotive Import Group (FAIG). It is a traditional showroom which displays an enormous variety of cars, motorbikes, 4-wheels drives and racing vehicles from around the world. Final Gear members are able to browse the gigantic showroom and buy any car they may need. Customers can also request a car to be imported. Cars on the island are particularly cheaper here because of the lack of any motor vehicle taxing. In fact, there is no pricing, as the FinalGear Automotive Import Group, employs a team of ninjas to find and deliver the cars it needs. However, certain vehicles have a required minimum rep and/or post count before you are permitted to purchase them.
• Tune shop
  • Next to the car dealer, you can buy performance parts and accessories. Patrons found "ricing" their vehicle can be banned from the shop, or even banned from the island. Their cars will be sent to the Carbage Gallery.
• Garage
  • Even at the Final Gear HQ, cars break down and need service. The garage takes care of that. It is said that James May has been seen here various times tinkering away at his Porsche or an old motorbike, or simply organising spanners for no apparent reason.
• Carbage Gallery
  • This building houses the constantly rotating display of carbage that is confiscated. When it is time to change exhibits, the really awful pieces get put in the "Hall of Fame" back room. All the others get airlifted to the top of Mt. Clarkson, and dropped in.

The hotel.

• Hotel
  • Where the non-VIPs have to stay. The food at the restaurant is appalling kak. It is run by members of the food sub-forum. Don't try the bacon AK-47. No really, the last person who did dropped dead. The hotel also houses the Cool Wall in the lobby, and while anyone can look at it, only VIP members can add or move cars. It is also said that Kristin Scott Thomas occasionally stays at the hotel, but truth be told, no one has actually seen her.
• James May Aerodrome
  • Final Gear HQ's runway is named after everyone's favourite bore. And it is also rumoured to be a perfect replica of the Top Gear track.
• Port
  • The cars have to have some way to get to the island. The port features a traditional RO-RO terminal as well as an inovative amphibious car ramp. The RMS Wilman which frequents the port to deliver new cars and other things, has a top industry record with only 75% of cars being damaged during shipping. This being said, the RMS Wilman is not used to deliver valuable collectibles for the FinalGear Museum. Instead the RMS James May is used. Although this ship is much smaller and can only hold around 15 vehicles at a time, it has a perfect record and is noted for the crews' attention to detail.
• Café
  • Some say Lewis Hamilton fought the Stig for the last piece of pie here, all we know is it's called the Café.
• Mrs Hammond's Tuck Shop
  • Serves simple faire for fussy eaters. If you're looking for exotic cuisine, you're out of luck here. Everything is straight out of a can or a box.

FG HQ's Nuclear Power Plant.

• Nuclear Power Plant
  • Supplies power to the Final Gear HQ. Produces 9,135 PetaWatts of power using four nuclear reactors and by harnessing the capabilities of wild hamsters. Greenpeace once tried to sabotage it, luckily, James Bond was on our side.
• Ocean Front Promenade
  • Offers more dining options, function rooms, nightclubs, shopping, theatre and other amenities. The night club Jeremy's can be found here. Despite the owner's intentions, this has become the gay pick-up joint on the island after a few guest appearances by Will Young. When he's not insulting some bunny on TV, you will usually find Simon Cowell here (in his favourite booth near the men's lavatories).
• Pub
  • Dubbed "The Random Thought", this is where the greatest minds in FinalGear come to philosophize about the meaning of our existence. Or talk about their peeing habits. Either way it's not recommended for children. Whereas most pubs have a smoking and a non-smoking section, "The Random Thought" has several bars: general, automotive, Top Gear, political, and motorsports.
• Stig's Private Hunting Reserve
  • His Holiness wants to be alone with his sheep. Do not disturb. If you see the Stag anywhere near the reserve, alert the island police immediately.
• Clarkson Farm
  • Agriculture makes an important part of FinalGear's economy, and despite popular belief that it's just Harry Enfield sketch (of whom the nearby bridge is named after for spreading worldwide interest in Clarkson Farming), Clarksons are indeed grown in captivity. Some will be shipped to BBC2, a few will go on to write articles for the Sunday Times and The Sun, but most will just end up on Dave.
• VonSmythe Secret Lair

Emperor Wilhelm Von Smythe visits the Großreich Embassy at Final Gear HQ.

• • Though unconfirmed, it was widely believed that VonSmythe Industrie had a secret lair underneath Mt Clarkson. Current belief still supports this, however now it is believed to be a secret Großreich military base. Since then, the Großreich opened the first ever foreign embassy on the island. It is a scaled down replica of the German Reichskanzlei, and also has a towering skydock for large jet-Zeppelins of the Großreich to visit the embassy. The Großreich Embassy has been criticised by some for what they see as the Großreich trying to push its political and cultural views upon the island. Sinister looking black WWII-era Mercedes cars are a common sight, and are the signature vehicles used by residents, diplomats, and employees of the embassy.
• veloceRACING Branch
  • Arch rivals of VonSmythe Industrie, veloceRACING houses a branch here to keep tabs on what they believe to be VonSmythe's lair. Employees can often be found in the glitzy vodka bar on the promenade being very snobby and pretentious.
• DSRacing, FG division
  • Fellow FG Wacky Race competitor DSRacing had also set up a branch on the island, citing improved access to proper testing roads and tracks. However, given the teams financial difficulties, and the cost of setting up the high-tech building, this may have been a poor decision. Since the opening of the branch, numerous earthquakes had been felt around the island, but this was discovered to be the sizeshifting, dracat driver Jessie Aromando refusing to shrink down below 300 ft. in height, and hir attempting to attack VonSmythe's secret lair. Also, the meerkat population on the island had exploded, thanks DSRacing's partnership with comparethemeerkat.com-sponsored KUIPER Racing. The building was currently undergoing repairs, due to a terrorist bomb, likely commissioned by VonSmythe, detonating within the building. All reconstruction ceased with the dissolution of DSRacing.
• KUIPER Manor
  • Next to DSRacing's FinalGear HQ Branch, racing partner KUIPER Racing has built a futuristic "manor" designed by Canadian architect Frank Gehry. The site is mainly used for testing, development, VIP Hospitality and also holds a touristy-area open to visitors not unlike the National Space Center in Leicestershire, where visitors can have a ride on the simulator to see just what it's like to be in a KUIPER Racing car, test how they'll fare working for the pit crew, and see a spectacular 360 degree panoramic movie at our Racer's Theater. At the back of the building lies the "Meerkat Manor" gardens, where the island's population of meerkats are free to roam. Every night, the Racer's Theater also hosts the latest in Meerkat talent in the Arts. Our top standup act is Francis, who performs every Friday 9:30pm. The all-meerkat-and-one-talking-cat-band The Suricatas also regularly do gigs here. The shop also sell copies of Gran Turismo 5 Prologue KUIPER Edition, featuring various cars from KUIPER Racing's short but explosive racing history in addition to the standard game. The addons are also avaliable as DLCs.
• Grand Hall
  • Located on the ocean front next to the promenade, the hall is where all musical Entertainment, stage productions, art exhibitions and other such things are held, not that there are any of course (because everything here is cars), but it's there when or if we need it.
• Al Gore's Gulag
  • Sadly, even the least violent society will need a prison, and the Final Gear HQ is no exception. All denizens deemed to be officially "banned" by the mods are relocated here. Some are locked away for several days/weeks; others, for an eternity. Inmates are forced to suffer a combination of Al Gore speeches, and hard labor. DSRacing driver Jessie Aromando also occaisonally visits to source additional manpower for DSRacing/slaves for hir own personal (ab)use. Seriously, global warming speeches are the lesser of two evils. Trust me.
• Southern Galleries
  • The existence of a labyrinth of galleries and chambers under Grand Prix Island is well-known. However, it is not known what exactly occurs there, as there are two conflicting noises coming out of there 24/7: the excited voice of Murray Walker and the German-speaking "More of ze punishment" one of Max Mosley. Their sources seem to be at opposite ends of the network. Occasionally, a large and very French wad of floppy hair is seen entering the gallery and then leaving it 3 to 5 hours later. He is always seen heading towards the Murray Walker-speaking end. The galleries have recently been claimed to be Wacky Races Team Espace F1's headquarters on Grand Prix Island, because of frequent recent sightings of a Renault Espace F1 driving around for shakedown runs.
• "FinalGear Museum"
  • The large building next to Mt. Clarkson's base is the FinalGear Museum. In it, over 12 kilometres worth of motoring history is stored and kept polished, mostly by inmates from Al Gore's Gulag. All kinds of classic and influential cars, trucks and motorcycles are displayed here, from the original Porsche 911 to the indestructible Hilux to the classic Goldstar motorbike. To attempt to list all of the vehicles contained in the vast, polished rooms of the museum is impossible, but it contains in upwards of 500 individual history-makers. Future classics that are selected in the annual ceremony (see Holidays) are also placed here. The vehicles within the museum are the only cars on FinalGear HQ that are illegal to drive for safety reasons- not for yours, for that of the car (It has been noted that it is rather hard to replace a 1957 Jaguar D-Type). An extensive (2000 page) picture gallery of the museum's contents exists in the FinalGear base. It also should be noted that many avid automobile collectors such as Jay Leno and Harold LeMay have stated in their wills' that the FinalGear Museum is to inherit their collections if the worst were to happen.

[edit] Geographic features

The Final Gear HQ is built around an active volcano, known as Mt Clarkson. It is the tallest point on the island, at an estimated height of 9,473 meters. At the opposite extreme, there is a desert in the south known as the Great Hammond Sand Dunes. This is a popular spot for off-road enthusiasts. Mt Clarkson was selected for the beginning route of the Summer 2009 FG Wacky Race. Drivers have objected heavily to the decision due to the danger of racing near live lava streams.

What a typical speed limit sign looks like on the island.

[edit] Road network

Naturally, driving is the preferred way of getting around the Final Gear HQ island. Public transit is specifically banned. There are two classifications of roads; semi-restricted and unrestricted race course. Semi-restricted roads are the main roads on the island that link the buildings. They do have speed cameras, but the police do not prosecute speeders. Instead, speeders receive the photograph as a souvenir. If you do get in a wreck on a semi-restricted road though, you'll end up getting loads of neg rep. So drive safely. Caravans and horse boxes are strictly prohibited from all roads, unless they are required for a special race event. The island also features one of the few places on earth with a long enough tunnel to successfully drive a Gumpert Apollo upside-down, Men In Black style.

[edit] Unrestricted roads

The unrestricted roads are what makes the Final Gear HQ a petrolhead paradise. Just go fast. The only rules pertain to Probationary Licensed drivers, who are limited to driving cars of no less than 200bhp. Christian driving is tolerated, but not encouraged. Unrestricted roads may be closed for race events. If a closed road prevents someone from getting to their destination, they are free to pull off the road and make their own way through the grass and trees, provided that their vehicle can make it through. Getting stuck will also result in loads of neg rep.

Stelvio Simili Pass crosses Mt. Clarkson.

• Nürburgloop
  • Named after the famous Nürburgring in Germany, the Nürburgloop is a long timed circuit around the outer rim of the island and the neighbouring Grand Prix Island. Some say that the Stig has lapped the Nürburgloop in under ten seconds, and that the Stag can occasionally be seen in very early morning attempting to break the Stig's record. All we know is that nothing has come of it yet. A notable section of the Nürburgloop is the POWER Bridge, which shares exactly the same design as London's Tower Bridge, the only difference being on the surface instead of tarmac the bridge has a Von Smythe-patented Turbo Conveyor Belt that constantly flashes different colours for no good reason.The Nürburgloop is set become part of the route for the 2010 FinalGear Wacky Races, with underwater tunnels being opened to temporarily link the island with city of Gibraltar.
• Goldstone Raceway
  • Another name ripoff of a famous racetrack. This is a speed circuit for racing.
• Dello Stelvio Simili Pass
  • Yet another ripoff of a famous road. This mountain pass is the most dangerous road on the island, and it is regularly closed due to volcanic eruptions of Mt Clarkson. At night, the pass is supposedly haunted by dead rally drivers.
• Final Gear Superspeedway ya whatevr, more like Nascarland
  • A 2 mile, 30 degree banked trioval built entirely underground to avoid criticism from those who do not understand the intricacies of oval track racing. Access to the track is severely limited, requiring one to become friendly with the track operator or bribe the guards in order to drive on it. Spectators are allowed to walk right up to the catch-fence, however, anyone caught throwing any object over the fence will be forcibly removed from the premises, banned from returning, and sued for good measure.

[edit] Notable motorsport events

• The 24 Hours of Lemons
  • Drivers race for 24 hours straight in an endurance race with a catch. All teams must compete with certified lemons. The race is notorious, as only one team has ever made it the full 24 hours.

• Final Gear Wacky Races
  • The Final Gear Wacky Races is an epic 24 hour endurance race which has been held annually since 1834. Racers from all over the world come to participate in this great event, bringing with them many wonderful, awesome, crazy and down-right dangerous racing machines. With the construction of Final Gear HQ, the race organisers have decided that the base should be used as the permanent ceremonial start/finish point, with the next race initiating the tradition. Each year, a vacuum tunnel (Dubbed the "VonSmythe Ind. Dragway) with the mainland will be opened specifically for the race, connecting the island with several major cities to allow a different route each year.

[edit] Petrol

Being a car oriented island, people at the Final Gear HQ need petrol. Unlike traditional road networks, their are no petrol stations on the island. Instead, small pull-offs with petrol pumps are scattered throughout the island. Petrol is free for all Final Gear members thanks to our Texan members' connections. While diesel pumps are more sparse, it is still possible to find them, even though they are reserved for... erm... borrowed diesel race cars and Top Gear's BMW 330d. Plug-in ports for hybrids and electric cars on the other hand do not exist on the island. They always sniff it first.

[edit] Controversy

The result of a German driving on the same road as an Australian.

[edit] Grand Prix Island

To the south-west of Secret Island lies the sister territory of Grand Prix Island, which has gained a reputation for serving as a popular retreat for FinalGear's motorsport fans. The island at it's core houses the Grand Prix Museum, which contains the largest collection of historic racing cars and racing memorabilia that hadn't been stolen from Bernie Ecclestone and replaced with dummies while he was busy inspecting preparations in Abu Dhabi, honest. The cars from the Grand Prix Museum are occasionally seen being driven around the Nurburgloop. However, nobody has lived to tell the tale of seeing the Brabham Fan Car, as they have all been killed by flying stones thrown up by the car's infamous fan.

In accordance with the love for Formula 1 displayed by the inhabitants, Grand Prix Island's unofficial anthem is the bass line from Fleetwood Mac's "The Chain".

The museum holds weekly/fortnightly race meetings to discuss the latest happenings in the world of Formula One and other motorsports however, members are free to discuss the sport with their peers at any time. Cookies are served courtesy of Red_Bull.
d00d, Red_Bull is going to be really pissed when he finds we're charging the cookies to his card o.o
Hey, quiet you. What he hasn't heard he doesn't know.

The underground levels of the garages on Grand Prix Island serve host to an unprecedentedly large archive including historic footage from all forms and ages of motorsport, and a library including all the books and photographs ever written/taken on the subject of motor racing. However, access is forbidden without being accompanied by the library/gallery's manager.

From time to time, a black-suited man makes his appearance on Grand Prix Island, revealing an extremely bald head as he takes his helmet off. Some say he is the original Stig, some say he's just very matey and likes to talk about F1 history with the inhabitants of Grand Prix Island. What it is, we shall never know for sure.

Recent discoveries point to the fact that Grand Prix Island is sinking at a rate of a few millimetres per month. This may or may not have something to do with Flavio Briatore and quantum entanglement.

[edit] Culture

Outsiders typically describe the culture of the island as that of "crazed petrolheads", while residents see themselves as enthusiasts.

[edit] Holidays

• Clarkson's Birthday (11 April)
  • Celebrated in the same way as Commonwealth countries celebrate Queen's Birthday: by doing absolutely nothing. However, a giant cake in the shape of Clarkson's head may be made.
• Carro de Mayo (5 May)
  • Carro de Mayo is a great time of celebration for island residents. It is the day when a carbage car is sacrificed to the gods by pushing it off in to the fires of Mt Clarkson. French visitors should be warned that although one car is being destroyed by flames, it is not acceptable to torch other random vehicles at the Final Gear HQ.
• Selection of the Legends (19 May)
  • The selection of legends is a ceremony held every May in which FinalGear leaders debate about which cars deserve to become future classics or legends. Once a decision is reached, four cars are picked and sent to the FinalGear Museum to be stored for eternity, so future generations can understand their influence.
• Gandhi Jayanti (2 October)
  • In memory of Mahatma Gandhi, the ban on importing Tata Nanos is lifted for 12 hours. After these 12 hours, all the imported Tata Nanos are thrown into the ocean, and bets are made on which one will float the longest.
• Midget Day (28 October)
  • On this day, the residents of Grand Prix Island create statues of a certain midget for the sole purpose of blowing them up at the end of the day, to signify their hatred for the dictator that is doing all things possible to destroy their favorite sport. This day shall be maintained until that dictator retires in more ways than one.
• Boxer Day (26 December)
  • On Boxer Day, residents of the Final Gear HQ celebrate the boxer engine design by driving vehicles with such engines. Common sightings on this day include Subaru cars and Porsche Boxsters.

[edit] Religion

Although Final Gear HQ residents practice several religions without persecution, the islands most prevalent religion is "Gastafarianism." Derived from Christianity and Rastafarianism, Gastafarianism is appropriately automotive-themed. For example, tires are smoked instead of pot. The Church Of Finalgear is the largest (and, so far, only) Gastafarian church.

[edit] Currency

You can forget your Pounds, Dollars, Euros and Pesos on FinalGear HQ, they are worthless. The only currency accepted is the Rep (Officially the Reputation Point). You will not be able to buy Rep at you local Bureau de Change so will have to earn your Rep once you arrive. If you are a not-a-dude, simply bring a photo of you (or your pet) taken with a web-cam and this should satisfy the fiduciary requirements of your stay.

High-speed pursuits are the leading causes of death amongst the Final Gear police.

[edit] Immigration and Customs

The Final Gear HQ police (commonly known as "mods") regulate immigration and customs on the island.

[edit] Entry

All Final Gear members are granted visa-free entry, though only select members are granted indefinite leave to remain or right of abode. Non-Final Gear members can apply for a visa online, though few are ever accepted unless the applicant works in the car, motorsport, or television industry. Honorary citizens of Final Gear HQ include Jeremy Clarkson, James May, Richard Hammond, the Stig, and Vicki Butler-Henderson. ILR has been given to other Fifth Gear presenters except for Tim Shaw, who's entry is permitted, but us under probational conditions until it can be proven that he is worthy of a permanent visa, and not a pikey. Final Gear's most infamous illegal immigrant is the Stag.

[edit] Customs

Customs restrictions are mainly car-related. Hybrid and electric vehicles are not permitted, however customs form 23C allows a limited number of these vehicles to be permitted for public destruction. The Tesla Roadster is the one exception, however once it runs of of battery power, the driver is out of luck. The remaining import restrictions are based on the Final Gear HQ's Cool Wall. Seriously uncool vehicles are strictly banned (supercars are exempt from this regulation, however), uncool vehicles are only importable with permission, cool vehicles are allowed unconditionally, and sub-zero car drivers are actually paid to drive on the island.

[edit] Final Gear as a sovereign nation

These signs are common graffiti throughout the island.

There is a Sovereignty movement within Final Gear to become a nation, with the Final Gear HQ as the capital. Unfortunately, no other countries currently recognise Final Gear as a nation. To try and change this, Final Gear has declared war on Greenpeace, SsangYong, Toyota Prius drivers, drivers of other hybrids, hybrids, electric cars and Gordon Brown. An embargo was considered for Max Mosley, but Final Gear HQ doesn't export anything apart from Clarksons, kewl T-shirts and mousemats with the Final Gear logo on.

There is also a movement within the Sovereignty movement advocating the expansion of FinalGear's military forces. Unconfirmed reports and leaks have suggested that there will be only one criterion for these forces, namely awesomeness. Accordingly, the world is expecting to see superheavy tanks, elite Ariel Atom brigades, the Millennium Falcon, Darth Vader and nuclear-powered Ekranoplan squadrons invading Fiji very soon.

[edit] External links

• Official website of FinalGear
• OMG!!! CHEAPV1AGRA.COM.MX REVEALS THE TRUE IDENTITY OF THE STIG!